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To ensure that you do not enter another relationship with this same mentality, recognize that you cannot do the same thing to someone else. Do not be selfish when you go into your next relationship, but pay attention to what is being said about money matters and how he is handling his money. Ask questions especially if this is someone that you would seriously consider marrying.

When you are in a serious relationship, the man must come to the table with his “ducks in row” and I encourage you to not be in a hurry to enter into another relationship because you do not want to be by yourself. Take this time to heal and discern what you want to see happen in a marriage especially when it comes to money. It will not do anyone any good if you repeat in a new relationship what you just came out of.

When each person puts the other one first, everyone wins and no one feels taken for granted.

Your husband was to see that you are making an attempt to help out the household finances. He wants to know that he is not the only one that does not agree with what is happening.

I want to talk to the wife now that is a homemaker and has smal kids. I know there are times when you feel you have no where you can turn or anyone that you can talk to. Never fear, I am here to provide some suggestions.

First and foremost, I know it is difficult to be at home and not feel as if you can help! Well sure you can and once you make your mind up you will be surprised at the different opportunities that will present that will coincide with your schedule.

Does this mean that you will have to leave your home in order to contribute to the finances? Not necessarily but it does mean that you must know exactly what the household finances are prior to your taking action. What is the income? What are the bills? How much would you need to make in order to remove some financial stress?

I have had conversations with my husband when we have talked about different friends and the common remark is the husband needs to see that she is willing to bring in some income. Any income is better than no income. So he is not saying you have to go out there and make 6 figures but do something.

Listen, I have taken data enry jobs that were the evening shift, have sent out applications for jobs, etc. Put yourself in their shoes and how would you handle it?

Do not be so swayed by peer pressure and creating more debt that it costs you your marriage.

Steps:
1) Re-evaluate your household finances – income and expenses.
2) If you began working (whether pt or full-time) what is the amount you need to make to remove some stress?
3) What service could you provide on a part-time basis from the comfort of your own home to local business owners?
4) Are you mismanaging the money and need to step back and re-evaluate?

It is up to you what you want to do for your marriage. It’s not to late until the divorce has been granted. Then again, I have heard people remarrying those they have divorced.

These women share each others triumphs and struggles throughout this movie. Savannah was the professional, single woman that did not let her “single status” keep her from reaching her goals.  Although her mother felt every woman “NEEDS” a man. Robin was the professional, single woman that had been burned by men so much that she did not look at them the same. Furthermore, she had lost her self-respect but gained it back in the end. Gloria was the divorced parent that owned a hair salon and who had almost cut herself off from relationships because she had gotten used to spending time with her son that was graduating from high school. She does have an interest in the widowed neighbor. Lastly, we have Bernadine who was married to a professional and mother of two children. When Bernadine wanted to start a business, he told her it was not the right time. So she put everything she had into building his businesses. Strongly recommend you watch the entire movie.

Money Implications:  I am going to do this based on each character:

Savannah – she had money and still had some degree of difficulty in who she was as a person. Her mother had limited finances and was attempting to keep it from Savannah. Once Savannah found out, she wired the money for her mother.

Robin – she lived somewhat comfortably but was settling for mediocre men. Had a great job and clearly was making money but what she thought about herself was reflected in the men she dated. Did not really value who she was until the end of the show.

Gloria – the entrepreneur of the group. She appeared to be doing well financially.

Bernadine – the true “lesson” in this group. Do not put everything you have into your spouse. This lady was not aware of what the husband had been doing regarding putting <strong>EVERYTHING</strong> in his name. Once he decided he wanted a divorce, initially it appeared as if she was not going to get anything.

Money Tip #1:  Having money does not mean you cannot have financial problems in your life.

Money Tip #2:  If you are an entrepreneur or seeking to become an entrepreneur, do your homework. What type of business are you seeking to start, what are the start-up costs, who is your target audience, can you start this business without taking money from the household budget and another major statement that you cannot ignore: If you are married, talk with your spouse before starting a business especially if it will impact your time and family finances.

Money Tip #3:  This applies to the husband and the wife – share with each other about the household finances. Do not let the money manager be the only one that is aware of all the bank accounts, how much money is in each account and when the bills are due.

Money Tip #4:  Husbands and wives do not get lost in the marriage. Meaning put everything into the one person where you have no self-identity. That costs you in the long run.

Money Tip #5:  Husbands and Wives – stay faithful to your mate and do not even think about the grass on the other side. It does not matter who attempts to flirt with you.  Based on a lot of stories in national news  and facts – people that enter into infidelity are paying a “HEAVY PRICE” and sometimes it is their life in addition to money.

Money Tip #6:  For single parents, if you are not getting the child support that you are due it is up to you to decide what action you are going to take. Also, recommend that you create great memories every day with your children. Creating memories does not necessarily have to involve a lot of money.

Money Tip #7:  For the new single parent, when it comes to money – take the time to sit down and detail your new household budget and expenses. This will show you what you need to run your household from month to month.

Observation:  Money impacts lives in many ways and should not be ignored. Take the time today to look at the roles money plays in your life.

Recommendations:  I know there are times when we as women vent to our girlfriends about our spouses, what I want to say on this is take the time to talk with your husband about your finances and issues you are facing. The two of you are on the same team – solve the situation together.

For the single parent, ensure that you find out all of the resources available to you through different organizations that assist single parents. Some could be local and there could be some that are on the internet. Do your research.

For the newly divorced spouse, pull yourself together and know that being single does not define who you are. Think about what you want to do with your life and what example do you want to set for your children.

Money Implications:

Clearly this movie had money and marriage implications throughout. All the couples had attended college and became exactly what they said they would. The only person that did not was Sheila. However, Sheila put everything into her husband, like so many other women have done and others continue to do. He took all of her money and left her with $87.00 . You will have to watch the movie for more on Sheila.

Money Tip #1 – Do not get so wrapped up in your profession that you forget to take time for each other. Pamper each other and have fun.

Money Tip #2 – There is no benefit to embarrassing your spouse if you paid for starting a business they always wanted. It should be joint funds anyway. When you invest in your spouse, you are investing in your relationship long-term.

Money Tip #3 – Do not talk down to your spouse and demean them.

Observations:

1) Secrets that eventually get revealed can tear down a marriage. Do not let someone have negative information on you that they would blackmail you with. Make sure there are no secrets from your spouse.

2) If you have financial secrets, it is better to get them out on the table prior to the spouse finding out in a way that you had not planned. This leads to distrust in the relationship. Know that is hard to get trust back once it is lost.

Recommendations:

1) Money and marriage do not have to be difficult. People make it difficult based on their believes, past experiences and lack of information.

2) Establish mutual financial goals for your marriage.

3) Support your spouse if he or she is an entrepreneur. Ask them about their business and offer to assist if necessary. Your being supportive of them affects their success.

Money Implications: The father is a “tightwad” as some might say. The mother and daughter are excited about the upcoming wedding and spend, spend, spend. In my opinion this sends the wrong message because she could spend uncontrollably against her soon to be husband’s wishes once married.

Money Tip #1: Emotions tend to dictate money solutions and should not. I always recommend people step back from the situation and let cooler heads prevail.

Money Tip #2: If you are a shopper, admit to it up front and do not let your spouse be surprised weeks after you return from the honeymoon that each week you are spending uncontrollably.

Money Tip #3: Pertaining to parents and married adult children, be cautious in the area of money. The husband and wife need to viewed as the husband of his new wife and not just “their son” and vice versa. They should for their household finances initially without running to mom or dad.

Money Tip #4: The wedding day is only the beginning of the marriage, begin the money talk prior to the wedding and continue it throughout the marriage.

Marriages have become rocky. Divorce has been staring them in the face because of the financial secrets. The wife loves her husband but she was afraid he would not even marry her if she spoke up about the debt. Now that he has found out he is furious and does not know how to handle. What should a wife do?

Wives if you are in this position at all let me recommend to you these beginning steps to start:

(1) Apologize to your husband for not being open and completely honest about your financial background. Share with him why you did not trust yourself or his love enough to put it on the table.

(2) Share with him that you do not want this to be a sore spot in your marriage and would like to be straightforward because you need his help. You have made your share of financial mistakes for whatever reason and that is not to be excused. However, you want your marriage to work and move pass the financial stress. Therefore, it requires that he be willing to listen and work with you and not hold your past against you. Remind him, that he was not there for the decisions that you made and you recognize that he is dealing with the repercussions of those decisions.

(3) Then discuss establishing a get out of debt plan that is affordable and realistic. You can set monthly goals and work on it. Make sure the goals are attainable and do not set you up for more financial disappointment. That too, will affect your marriage if you do this.

(4) Now is not the time to be silent but pro-active and help repair your situation. Wife, it is up to you to take the first step.

I encourage you to think about the big picture.

(1) The husband or wife has become frustrated about their particular situation and they are talking with co-workers about what they perceive are options to correcting it.

(2) Both the husband and wife have become frustrated and are both thinking silently of options in order to get them back on track and are pursuing some of these options; and

(3) The husband or wife might be confiding in a parent in order to bounce ideas off of them and get their recommendation on what they think they should do.

Did you realize that out of frustration, neither the husband or wife talked with each other about their money issues during marriage frustrating them? They talked with co-workers, family and maybe friends. The problem with that is this, the financial problem exist between the husband and wife. Communication is key even when it is a difficult subject.

If the husband and wife began talking about money issues in marriage with cooler heads mind you, they could discuss what their options are and come to some starting point to revive their finances versus not talking to each other and allowing the financial frustration to separate them.

As the wife, one step you can take is to share with your spouse that you are not okay with the situation you are in. You are determined to fight through and are willing to do whatever is necessary to help your situation versus make it worse. More than likely, this will open up the dialogue about what he has been thinking and the two of you can come to some agreement on how to handle it.

Money issues during marriage does not have to become the norm in your money and marriage. You are in a position to make a difference and begin today by getting answers. Frustration can lead to solution if both are focused on the end goal.

Your husband is ready for work, he grabs a quick bite and kisses you on the way out the door. The child(ren) thank you for breakfast and then get their school stuff as they are ready to leave. You tell them to be good, learn a lot and you will see them when they get home.

It is now a few hours later from the time you got up and the house is quiet. You began thinking to yourself, what is on my schedule for the day. You decide you are going to focus on reviewing your home money management and make sure everything is on course. You have gotten your notebook and are updating the budget. 

You know that you have bills and think that everything is going along okay. As you are inputting the information, you get a call in the early afternoon and your husband says he just spent money on a large ticket item. You were not aware that he was going to do this today. You have just been put in the position of not being able to pay a bill because of this unexpected expenditure.

What are your options:

(1) Call him and tell him that you prefer that he takes it back and get his money back.

(2) Don’t call him and be put in the position of potentially not being able to pay a bill.

(3) Begin to pray and ask God to work it out.

(4) Get upset, call him and chew him out at work.

(5) Wait until he gets home and then let him have it when he walks in the door.

(6) Review your budget  that you have been working on. Ensure that you are correct about the income and expenses before taking any action. Let cooler heads prevail in what you should do.

Sure money issues during marriage will cause you to pray more. You should also be using wisdom when making financial decisions. Do not make financial decisions out of fear or frustration. Take the time to think about the long term consequences of your financial decisions. There is always more than one option, the idea is to make sure that your thoughts are clear with the best result in mind.

There have been times when I have dealt with couples that had joint accounts and during their separation prior to divorce, it was agreed that each would handle paying off certain account. But, I am sure as some of you know as the meetings happened and court dates that followed, what was stated was no longer what was going to happen. One person ends up being “STUCK” with paying all the financial debt and harboring more bad feelings.

It is important that you be honest with yourself about your current state of finances. Meaning what your income is, what your bills are and what you need to do moving forward. In an effort to help you gain perspective of your financial picture, I have attached a financial checklist that you can download.

If you are a divorced wife and have children, you have a lot to consider and handle. Be strong for your children and continue to love them and assure them this did not happen because of them. Do not say anything bad about their father, let them form their own opinions. Sometimes we don’t give kids enough credit for their insight.  Take a deep breath, you are on a new journey.

Download your checklist now:

http://www.marriagemoneymatters.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/Divorced-Wife-Financial-Checklist.pdf

*Let me add this caveat, I am not a financial planner but a Certified Educator in Personal Finances. So what I am sharing with you are some of the basics that you should be familiar with when dealing with your personal finances.