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Sure, your husband does not like the fact that you are in debt and probably partially blames God for the situation you are in. Has he said to you, God knows that was going to happen so why didn’t he protect us from it? You are torn between continuing to be a witness for God and agreeing with your husband about the debt.

If you are in this position, you should say to your husband that you do not like that you have debt; however you continue to believe GOD provision is coming and you WILL get out of debt. It is not going to take the rest of your life and you have decided to fight your way through it.

There have been too many times when Christians throw in the towel because things have gotten difficult or  a little challenging. I say to you, STAND on the WORD of GOD when you are fighting this battle to you and no longer accept it the way it is.

Recap:

(1) Tell the husband you agree that it is not a good situation to be in debt.

(2) Continue to stand and remind God of HIS WORD regarding your finances.

(3) Be wise when making financial decisions. Looking at the good and the bad side before choosing how you remove debt.

(4) Encourage the husband to go through the test with you. Remember The WORD says when 2 or 3 gather in HIS NAME, anything you ask shall be done.  Also a 3 fold CORD is not easily broken. There is nothing like when a husband and wife agree on something.

Once the marriage is dissolved, it is probably easy to see where an ex- would have questions about their money rights. Do they have a right to this or that from a financial capacity? What I want to say to those wives in the money after marriage is this, make sure you have done your research and talke explicitly with an attorney regarding the financial picture prior to your getting divorced.

The financial picture should include what were the expenses, what credit cards were joint, the automobiles and home.  What happens in each of those situations when there is a divorce. What do you do about credit cards or any other accounts that were in both names?

This is not a time to have a lack of knowledge. No question is a dumb question and if you think it, ask it. Better to have too much information than not enough. You can take information and digest it small pieces at a time. This will keep you from becoming overwhelmed.

Caution: Do not put everything into the hands of your ex- to resolve.

Is it for one of the following reasons:

(1) He had a bad experience in a previous marriage or relationship giving access to his account and credit cards;

(2) You had access before and mismanaged the money and overcharged the cards;

(3) He is the money manager and does not believe you need to have access to the accounts since he pays the bills and everything; or

(4) Did someone tell him not to give you access? Based on his background, his father took care of all the money and he brought that same belief into his marriage.

Not having access to money if you do not have an income of your own, can definitely cause stress and tension in the marriage. Do not be so quick to get angry but come from a position of wanting to understand his reasoning and then share with him what the benefits would be if you had access.

Mind you, if he consents to giving you access, you need to be the best money manager he has ever seen. Do not turn into a spendthrift because you did not have access before. Know that there will be a testing period and he will be watching everything you are doing from a financial standpoint.

Without giving to much of it away, this is a couple that met at work, got married, had some kids and was married for fifteen years when it appeared they were going to call it quits. He was the carefree, no rules type of guy. Of course she was the by the book, stick to the schedule and took care of all the problems in the marriage wife. The day came when she got tired and he felt like she turned into her mother. The kids go off to summer camp but when they pickup the kids from summer camp a big decision is made. You are going to have to watch the movie to find out what it is.

Money Implications:

No true money implications from what I could see. They lived comfortably, the kids went to summer camp and he was able to get a new place of residence without it affecting the household finances.

Observations:

1) They had gotten so used to fighting that they resorted to silence. Silence became the norm in their marriage. Do not let this happen especially when it comes to money issues.

2) The problem with silence is if there are financial issues, the one dealing with the issues could make more mistakes when making all the decisions without discussing it with the spouse.

3) The daughter sensed something was wrong with the parents even though they tried to “mask” the problem. Know that kids pick up on every behavior change, non-verbal behavior parents exhibit. They are more aware than what parents give them credit for.

Recommendations:

1) Do not forget to stop and smell the roses regardless of how busy life gets.

2) Take the time to appreciate each other for who they are as they are on the journey to becoming even the best they can be.

3) When there are children in the marriage, exhibit the type of marriage to them you would want them to have including a marriage that has financial talks.

Money Implications: Robbie’s (the Wedding Singer) obviously did not have a conversation with his bride-to-be Linda prior to the wedding day about their finances. That is one of her primary reasons for not wanting to marry him because she believes he is limited in what he can make. Julia – the young waitress that he helps she is not being true to herself at first and settling for her groom. She settles because she believes that Robbie is not available.

Recommendation: Begin the Money Talk during the engagement so no one is left standing at the altar wondering what happened to their respective bride or groom. It’s when money is not discussed on any level that financial situations start to arise as you are preparing to walk down the aisle and right after the honeymoon.

Money Tip #1: Do not continue to focus on the past as you are planning your future especially when it pertains to money. You will not be able to move ahead.

Money Tip #2: Look at the inside person, not just the outside. I’m sure you have heard the saying “All that Glitters is not gold.” Same hold true, if a person is taking you here and there, spending left and right you might want to check the financial foundation or their financial situation.

Recommendation:  It is better to ask the hard questions instead of marrying into debt.

Warning: Do not be short-sighted as you are preparing to walk down the aisle. Think long term and listen to what is being said and the actions that are being presented to you. DO they line up?

I don’t want to give too much away in case you have not seen the movie but from a money and marriage aspect – wow, I have much to share. Briefly – Boy meets girl, they become high school sweethearts. Boy and girl get married. His dreams of being a pro athelete are shattered by injury. Woman gets a corporate job — makes lots of money. Holds it over man’s head.

First – I did not enjoy how she continued to demean him. Understand this the Power of Speech is crucial in a relationship. Instead of building up their relationship, she continued to tear it down, including when it came to his JOB.

Money Tip for Wives: Do not talk down to your mate about his business or his job. This affects you as well. Sounding unappreciative of what he does and continuing to bring this before him will eventually get old and they could go to someone else that would appreciate what they are doing.

Second: When the husband had to take over the finances, it was very clear he was not aware of what the bills were. All we see are bills on the table and a look on his face in unbelief. You did not see bill collectors calling at all hours and him trying to figure out how to pay the bills.

Money Tip: Regardless of who manages the money in the household, both husband and wife need to know what is happening with the household personal finances. Share with them what bills have to be paid on the first of the month, what has to be paid midmonth – to who, how much and how it is paid — whether check or automatic deductions from certain accounts. Let them know what is paid quarterly, annually and monthly.

Third: Remember when you came into your marriage, both of you had dreams. Do not sacrifice one person’s dream for the other. In this movie that did happen because the wife felt because she brought the money, that her dreams were more important which made him feel inadequate.

Money Tip: Agree to go for both husband and wife’s dreams which can only enhance your marriage relationship even more. Help each other achieve those goals because in the end there will be a part of it that deals with finances. Imagine if the husband and wife both achieved those career goals and all the bills were paid off and you could take vacations every other month or donate to causes important to both of you or buy that dream house or start that family. There are a myriad of things husbands and wives can do together successfully when they are on the “same page”.

Fourth: When they were at the restaurant and she wanted to pay the bill, he knew they did not have the money but she insisted on paying the bill. Then one of her clients, ended up having to pay the bill.

Money Tip: Talking about Money is very important. It is a conversation that is more than a one time conversation. Talk about money throughout the week so everyone is clear on what is happening with money in the house. No husband or wife is a mind reader, especially when it comes to finances. It does not matter how long you have been married, Money Talk Matters. Talk about it, talk about it and gain insight and understanding.

Brief Aside: If you talk negative about your spouse to your family, that is how they will see that mate. It is hard to undo negative speech about someone you love. Choose your words carefully.

When you have His Money and Her Money in a marriage those lines are not drawn without reason. This could help couples understand each other’s motivation for some of the choices that they make.

There came a point in the movie where he did use “His Money” for a need that was important to her. Although she thought someone else did it until she did some background checking. Then she was convicted herself about her own thoughts.

Overall: It is a good movie. That was my take on the money and marriage side.

Recommendation: When you have His Money and Her Money, establish clear reasons upfront the reason it needs to be this way. Otherwise the separation of money can lead to separation in other areas of marriage and open the door for lack of trust in many areas. Know why you are choosing separate funds. All choices have consequences good, bad or indifferent. Do not make any decision lightly.

However, if you married your husband strictly because he had a “huge” bank account and you did not love him. More than likely, there will come a time when he discovers this and you could be in for a rude awakening. Think about it. What if the shoe was on the other foot and you were a career woman and your husband only asked you to marry him because you were making “big” dollars and he could see himself not working and choosing you so you could take care of him.

How would that make you feel? I have been in the situation many many many years ago long before I met my husband. One of my girlfriends from college that was married, had a single male friend that asked her to introduce me. Mind you, he was older which was not a problem for me. But have you ever experienced when someone looks at you like you are “The Golden Ticket”. That is what it looked like to me and I was not going to be in the position of an older male dating me let alone marrying me because he could see I had drive and was going to be “career oriented”.

Marrying for money to me is risky. Marrying for love is better. When you marry for love and have mutual financial goals and plans without money stress and pressure that is the icing on the cake.  Yes, money is important in marriage. Furthermore having a mate that has financial goals is also important.  Let me make this perfectly clear, I am not saying that you should marry someone that has no goals or dreams and no work ethic. There is a difference.

For example, don’t marry a professional athlete per se just because he has money and you can already see yourself sitting at home, spending, spending and don’t love him, but love the fact that he has money.  A person can have all the money in the world and you can still feel alone.

Wives love yourself enough to not settle because you think he provides a certain level of security because you married him for money.

Marriages have become rocky. Divorce has been staring them in the face because of the financial secrets. The wife loves her husband but she was afraid he would not even marry her if she spoke up about the debt. Now that he has found out he is furious and does not know how to handle. What should a wife do?

Wives if you are in this position at all let me recommend to you these beginning steps to start:

(1) Apologize to your husband for not being open and completely honest about your financial background. Share with him why you did not trust yourself or his love enough to put it on the table.

(2) Share with him that you do not want this to be a sore spot in your marriage and would like to be straightforward because you need his help. You have made your share of financial mistakes for whatever reason and that is not to be excused. However, you want your marriage to work and move pass the financial stress. Therefore, it requires that he be willing to listen and work with you and not hold your past against you. Remind him, that he was not there for the decisions that you made and you recognize that he is dealing with the repercussions of those decisions.

(3) Then discuss establishing a get out of debt plan that is affordable and realistic. You can set monthly goals and work on it. Make sure the goals are attainable and do not set you up for more financial disappointment. That too, will affect your marriage if you do this.

(4) Now is not the time to be silent but pro-active and help repair your situation. Wife, it is up to you to take the first step.

I encourage you to think about the big picture.