Am I against tithes and offering? Absolutely not. I am all about Giving as GOD leads you, to who, how much and when. I am against paying money out of guilt or manipulation when God did not tell you to. When you do this, create more debt then you open up the door for other financial situations to occur. Oh yes, I have given money because I wanted to and was not being led by God. In my particular situation more financial issues happened and the stress increased.

If you are already dealing with financial challenges, then one of your goals should be to reduce financial challenges and issues that exist within your marriage. How do you reduce financial challenges:

1) What credit cards can you pay off and remove?

2) Are you into gadgets and are paying a monthly fee for several? What do you really need?

3) What old debts if you have any, can you pay off and give you some breathing room?

4) Another option is to re-evaluate your current financial income and expenses and see what can be reduced and/or removed.

5) Recommend establishing a chart that lists your financial goals, when you would like to accomplish them by and hold each other accountable.

Remember removing financial issues takes commitment, perseverance and patience.

Wives, let’s face it when most of us come into our marriage, we are learning even more about who we are and how we respond to different situations. Why? Because this could be your first marriage and even though you may have dated for a while or had a long engagement, things become real once you are married and sharing the same space. Granted, you Love this person however, society has depicted the picture of focusing on yourself and putting yourself first. However, as a Christian – God teaches us about being selfless and focusing on the other person.

When it comes to money and marriage, it is important that as wives, we are not selfish and make decisions based on emotions, past financial mistakes he might have made or even immaturity. Have you heard the saying “Two wrongs don’t make a right”. Well, so true, do not go and spend money because he spent money and you did not want him to.

In my opinion, a helpmate is not to sit and complain about this situation and that situation. It is her responsibility to survey the situation in complete detail, talk with the husband about the finances and then both agree on a solution. Since more than likely the wife will have more time to think clearly about whatever the situation is, she should think about what is best for the marriage and not just what is best for her.

Other Tips for the Helpmate:

1) Don’t keep a scorecard on how many times your spouse has made a mistake.

2) Understand what your strengths and weaknesses are when it comes to finances, as well as your spouse. Example: Are you better at money management and saving. Is he better at paying bills. Either way, make sure that you are working the strengths to the advantage of the marriage.

3) When forgiving your spouse about financial issues, be specific and do not throw the error up in his face whenever things get a little tough.

4) Remember to keep God at the forefront of your marriage and seek his Face.

5) Do not gossip to your girlfriends in a negative fashion about your spouse. Misery loves company. Don’t be a part of their misery.

6) Get help from a financial counselor if needed. If you are a member of this site at the intermediate or graduate level, you get a chat with me. Use it when you are ready.

I chose the title of this post to be Christian on Christian Crime because I have seen where Christians have forgotten to discern in their spirit, do their homework and check other CHRISTIANS out before they enter into business dealings, buy houses or cars, etc because the person was in Church with them and SAID they were Christian.

Yes, I said it Check them out… usually you do not purchase a car without doing your homework, test driving and even asking questions. Whenever we prepare to add an extracurricular activity to our twins schedule, we check it out before we do it. We talk with the owners or instructors, we sit in on a class to see how they provide their instruction, we talk with the twins and we make an informed decision.

I have noticed that when it comes to Christians, I have seen one of three things happen and all of these can affect your finances:

(1) For some reason, there are Christians that believe they should get everything for free. They literally do not want to pay for anything and consequently they do not value what they get for free. This in itself will end up costing you more in the end because you get a reputation of being a person that want to see what you can get out of people.

(2) There are so-called Christians in the Church that prey on other Christians because they are quick with their speech. What I have seen happen is that because they present themselves to Christians, then as a Christian we tend to throw discernment, background checks whether it is through asking for references, doing an internet search (you can find out good, bad or indifferent by Googling someone’s name anymore) right out the window because they are a Christian and we end up in negative financial situations because of it.

(3) There are the Christians that would truly like to utilize a Christian service but have been burned in one of the other situations and are steering clear. That is a Crime in itself to Christians that could be Blessed by a Christian business that is doing it according to God’s outline and purpose for their business and/or ministry.

I want to briefly share a few examples that I have seen happen:

(a) Friend is a Christian and attends Church, he needs a vehicle. Fellow church members tells him he works at a dealership and can get him a good deal on a car. It is recommended to the friend that he leases a car. Result: Friend is upside down on the lease due to he drives heavy mileage and cannot get another car for a time frame.

(b) Friend needs a particular service that a Christian woman offers and the poverty speech begins talking about getting the “family rate” or saying the price is too high because they do not want to pay. Result: The business owner enters into business with the person and then gets stiffed.

Maybe you are asking the question as you are reading this, can this be prevented? Yes it can and below are some initial steps to take:

First and foremost, there are times when we are talking with a person whether in person or on the phone you get that feeling in your Spirit that something is not right. Listen to The Holy Spirit telling you not to enter into business. I know that whenever my husband has gone against this, it has cost us more money in the long run.

Second, don’t be so quick to say yes. Take the time to do your research. Ask for references and check them. Don’t just ask to say I got them..press ahead and make the calls. Yes, I know that people can tell you anything, however, I have also learned when you take your time a person’s true self will surface if they are up to no good.

Third, develop some criteria for doing business with a Christian business owner – length of time they have been in business, references, look at their website, check to see if they have had any lawsuits against their business (go to your local county website) and some have a site with court records that are public record. Type their name in.

Fourth, when you are entering into business make sure you have an agreement outlining what should be done, the date the agreement is entered into, how much is to be paid upon whatever service produced, due date just for starters. Make sure that both parties sign it. This is for your protection. Better to be safe than sorry.

EXERCISE WISDOM!

1) Evaluate your lives and be honest with yourselves about why the bankruptcy or foreclosure happened. What was happening in your lives with the finances and the choices you made that ended up causing your situation to spiral out of control?

2) Now that you have a chance to start over, what will you do differently? Who will manage the money? How will the bills be paid?

3) How do you rebuild your credit? Let me say do not run out and get a lot of credit cards. Personally I would only have one and nothing else. Because credit is built by a good payment history over a period of time. It is not built by having a lot of cards that you can not pay – that damages your credit. So if the way to rebuild your credit is getting one credit card that you use only for emergencies or small purchases that you pay off at the end of every month, then so be it. Do not fall into the trap of buying furniture or large ticket items with no money down, no interest for two or three years.

4) Whatever you utilize in order to rebuild your credit, make sure that they are reporting to all three credit bureaus.

These are only the beginning steps. In order to move forward and not repeat the pattern, know what happened to cause the the bankruptcy or foreclosure, what your thoughts were that caused you to make the decisions that led to the finances getting out of control and much more.

When finances are difficult, there are times when a husband and a wife might feel as if they cannot turn to anyone and they do not want to bring stress or pressure to the other spouse. However, each spouse needs to be aware of what is happening with the finances because the consequences affect everyone, not just the one making the decision.

Caution: I don’t necessarily recommend waiting on a government bailout program, you must create your own.

If you know that your husband would spend all the money and you need to have a savings account and/or an emergency fund, then by all means start putting some money away. Then when you have saved a certain amount share that information with him.

Another way to think about this is what will saving the money allow you to do? Does that allow your family to take a vacation? Does it allow you to have an emergency fund and then you can move on to something else? Would it make your husband happy to know that you have been managing the money and done so well that you now have a reserve fund for the family?

I have done that and I have also told my husband at a different time that I was on a campaign to save x amount of dollars. When you have proven yourself to your spouse that you are working for the benefit of the marriage, they will not fight you on what you are doing. It is when you are doing things in secret with an alterior motive that is negative that you generally will have problems.

1) It is best that the husband and wife are in agreement about borrowing the money and the amount before doing it. If the husband and wife are not in agreement it could end up causing division within the marriage.

2) They should have also discussed a game plan to pay the money back if the parents agree to the loan. There is nothing like borrowing money and not paying it back that can end a relationship. Think about how many friends have borrowed money from you, didn’t pay it back and are you still talking with them?

3) Make sure that if you borrow money from parents, that you are not spending it frivolously. Furthermore do not spend money on unnecesssary items in front of them because that will cause friction in your relationship with your parents.

4) Do not get into the habit of borrowing money from parents and making it their responsibility to pay your bills or it will get to a point of where they will cut you off. Remember as a husband and wife you are grown people too and should be able to handle your own money matters.

Is he giving her just enough money to pay the household bills and there is no extra left over. I say that because I have heard of that scenario over the years. So whether he is not sharing at all or not giving any extra, below are some steps to take to ensure the household is taken care of and the wife has money left over:

1) Ensure that you have a budget written out which includes all the income and expenses.

2) Within your budget, make sure you have a specific timeline as to when the income is received in order for you to pay the bills. Oh yes, I imagine that most wives are the money managers.

3) If there are bills that you, the wife pay then I would suggest that you find out how long you have left to pay on those bills, especially if it is credit cards. Can you double up on some bills in order to pay one or two bills off faster and you have some extra money?

4) If he is giving you just enough for the bills, why not map out on paper for him exactly what is needed to maintain the household effectively and show him. That is not to say that you need all the money that he is keeping to himself, but what would be the benefit to the marriage if he shared the money.

5) Maybe you already know, but if you do not then I would ask him why he is not sharing the money. The bills belong to both, the house, etc.

6) Make sure that your tone is not one of blame or condemnation when talking with your husband about the household finances.

Find out his reasons before jumping to conclusions and work from there for the benefit of the marriage.

How many times have you been at the store or bank ATM and preparing to use your debit card and you felt the person behind you was standing too close? I must admit this has happened to me several times and made me feel quite uncomfortable. You ask yourself were they watching to see your pin number.

Think about it, how many times if any, have you experienced the person before you using their debit card at the ATM and forgetting their card in the ATM because they were preoccupies with another matter. I have seen this happen and fortunately I was able to catch the person. How many times have you used your debit card and they do not even ask you for ID?

Security is crucial as we all know. I chose not to sign my card and write “See ID” on the back so that the cashier is forced to verify it is me. You might want to consider doing that the next time you receive your debit card or credit card in the mail. How important is your security to you?

http://cbtalkradio.audioacrobat.com/download/cd815973-b406-1eef-2365-16d9c1567ffc.mp3

1) My mother has always been a huge proponent of shopping off season. She is soooo good at it that I am learning from her which will allow you to get the best deals.

2) Clipping coupons to use at the grocery store. Mind you make sure you are paying attention to expiration dates and also if that coupon really is the best value. There have been times when some of our grocery stores were having a coupon war and one store was offering as much as triple coupons. You can imagine where I shopped….

3) For all you movie buffs, go to the movies before 5pm. Even see if there are any $1 theaters in town. There is nothing wrong with getting up early on a Saturday and going to the movies before 5pm and getting the matinee price. I know whenever you go to the movies, most people want the popcorn and you must have something to “wash it down with”. I tell you I would make sure that I had lunch before going to the movies at your favorite restaurant so that will cut down on the movie treats which are not cheap.

4) Where is it a rule that clothes that have to be dry cleaned can only be worn once? Wear them more than once. I believe I saw somewhere there is also a dry cleaning at home system by Febreeze or Dryel. Do your homework!

5) Pay attention to cell phone minute usage, texting and adjust where necessary. I imagine that people are texting and had not realized that there are charges for that also. Personally, I’d just rather pick up the phone and dial the number. I’m a good typist but that takes waaaay to much of my concentration when I could have said what I needed to say.

6) I am an avid reader, so for those of you like me.. buy your books used, or join a book swap club. I like to keep my books so I do buy used books and they are in great condition.

7) Shop in bulk for household items. That has actually saved us quite a bit of money.

Monitor your bank account regularly and question the different fees. Personally, I don’t think you should be charged fees for every little think. It gets to where the bank is doing nothing but making money off of you. Your money is not working for you as you thought.

9) DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT CHARGE your tithes and offerings.

Those are several ways to get you started in saving money. Be sure to comment with your suggestions.