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To ensure that you do not enter another relationship with this same mentality, recognize that you cannot do the same thing to someone else. Do not be selfish when you go into your next relationship, but pay attention to what is being said about money matters and how he is handling his money. Ask questions especially if this is someone that you would seriously consider marrying.

When you are in a serious relationship, the man must come to the table with his “ducks in row” and I encourage you to not be in a hurry to enter into another relationship because you do not want to be by yourself. Take this time to heal and discern what you want to see happen in a marriage especially when it comes to money. It will not do anyone any good if you repeat in a new relationship what you just came out of.

When each person puts the other one first, everyone wins and no one feels taken for granted.

Remember the saying, “Misery loves company” well as you pull yourself and move on as a divorced woman, take caution as to who you surround yourself with. Are you going to surround yourself with people that can help you in the time of the storm or are you going to surround yourself with people that will attempt to keep you down.

This decision is very important because it will influence how you make decisions. Ladies let’s be honest. When we have dear friends, we generally talk with them about many things from family, finances, kids to even work situations. Therefore, even though you are recently divorced or divorced, you will share with them about various situations in your life.

It is not necessary that everyone knows what your financial situation is. As a matter of fact, my rule of thumb has always been this – if they are not in your household paying the bills, it is not necessary that they know what your income is. Caveat to that is unless you are seeking assistance from a financial planner that is aiding you in long-term wealth.

Otherwise, when Susie comes in out of no-where and begins asking you about your finances or commenting on your home, do not feel obligated by any means to divulge your financial picture. You will save yourself from the headache in the long run, I can assure you.

Don’t be so quick to divorce because of financial challenges. I say that because with planning and commitment to cleaning the finances up that can be removed IF both husband and wife are willing. More than likely there is another reason you would be getting divorced.

Look at some of the expenses that come with divorce:

Divorce attorney

Where you live  can affect the cost

The type of divorce can affect the cost

Complexity of the divorce also affects — complexity means if you have assets, child support and much more.

What is the existing financial issues and what would it take to resolve them?

Then ask yourself if they were resolved would you stay or do you still want to end the marriage?

If you believe you would want to end the marriage, be honest with yourself about the reason.

Remember divorce has long-lasting affects that do not just affect you but everyone involved – husband, wife, inlaws, children (if there are any), could affect your performance at work and more.

Make sure you have taken all things into consideration before ending your marriage.

Your husband was to see that you are making an attempt to help out the household finances. He wants to know that he is not the only one that does not agree with what is happening.

I want to talk to the wife now that is a homemaker and has smal kids. I know there are times when you feel you have no where you can turn or anyone that you can talk to. Never fear, I am here to provide some suggestions.

First and foremost, I know it is difficult to be at home and not feel as if you can help! Well sure you can and once you make your mind up you will be surprised at the different opportunities that will present that will coincide with your schedule.

Does this mean that you will have to leave your home in order to contribute to the finances? Not necessarily but it does mean that you must know exactly what the household finances are prior to your taking action. What is the income? What are the bills? How much would you need to make in order to remove some financial stress?

I have had conversations with my husband when we have talked about different friends and the common remark is the husband needs to see that she is willing to bring in some income. Any income is better than no income. So he is not saying you have to go out there and make 6 figures but do something.

Listen, I have taken data enry jobs that were the evening shift, have sent out applications for jobs, etc. Put yourself in their shoes and how would you handle it?

Do not be so swayed by peer pressure and creating more debt that it costs you your marriage.

Steps:
1) Re-evaluate your household finances – income and expenses.
2) If you began working (whether pt or full-time) what is the amount you need to make to remove some stress?
3) What service could you provide on a part-time basis from the comfort of your own home to local business owners?
4) Are you mismanaging the money and need to step back and re-evaluate?

It is up to you what you want to do for your marriage. It’s not to late until the divorce has been granted. Then again, I have heard people remarrying those they have divorced.

Granted, I am aware that some of you share in the frustration he has however, you are not sure how to deal with this matter. First step you should take is to involve him with the household finances which means more than him bringing home the income so you can pay the bills.

This means sitting him down and showing him the household budget which should detail the income and expenses. If you are a wife that works outside of the home and still the money manager, you need to ensure that you are at least once every six months making sure you have the best rates for car insurance, health insurance, cable, utilities, telephones and much more. It is not the responsibility of these businesses to come to you and say we can get you a better rate.

I also highly recommend you re-evaluate all subscriptions that you are paying on monthly that you might not even be using. Let’s be honest, we’ve had magazine subscriptions that we do not even read. So start here and see what can be removed.

If both of you are working outside the home and more than likely eating out for lunch – consider both of you taking your lunches for a month and watch how much you save.

How many wives do you know that have talked with you about their husbands fussing about the finances and when he did not see or receive any relief, he left.

Come back and read Part 2.

Once the marriage is dissolved, it is probably easy to see where an ex- would have questions about their money rights. Do they have a right to this or that from a financial capacity? What I want to say to those wives in the money after marriage is this, make sure you have done your research and talke explicitly with an attorney regarding the financial picture prior to your getting divorced.

The financial picture should include what were the expenses, what credit cards were joint, the automobiles and home.  What happens in each of those situations when there is a divorce. What do you do about credit cards or any other accounts that were in both names?

This is not a time to have a lack of knowledge. No question is a dumb question and if you think it, ask it. Better to have too much information than not enough. You can take information and digest it small pieces at a time. This will keep you from becoming overwhelmed.

Caution: Do not put everything into the hands of your ex- to resolve.

I would recommend that if the child support has been lacking and not regular that you base your budget on your income only. This way you do not necessarily fall into the position of counting on that income for a major need for the kids. You have to stand on your own strength and you are providing for the kids needs.

Sit down and be honest with yourself about what you need and the kids. The kids are watching how you manage money to include what you are spending money on and your saving habits. They are making a mental note of everything which also includes times that you pamper them, pay for different school activities, etc.

This is an opportunity for you to teach them very good money management habits despite your situation. Being a single mother does not define who you are, it is the situation you are presently in. You have hopes and dreams of your own and there is no reason you cannot achieve those dreams and goals. You are teaching your children also to have a strong work ethic, be good money managers and not wasteful. This way when and/or if you get the child support you can utilize as you see fit for the kids.

My mom never got any child support and she always ensured we had what we needed. I remember to this day, her taking us out to different restaurants every now and then so we could experience those things and several things. Interestingly enough, she and I were talking the other day about how every other weekend when I was a Senior in High School, we went to Baskin Robbins and we would share a banana split.

Take the time to make those memories with your children and not let your being a single parent steal your joy.

If both of you have debt in your marriage or if the husband even made most of the debt, you should not lay 100% of this at his feet. Why? Because depending on how long you have bee married you are in the position of knowing that he spends on certain things. So you contributed by not speaking up and saying, “Honey, for this period of time it is best if we cut back on spending in certain areas until we clean this up or the money needs to be applied towards household needs versus our wants”.

What have you done in all honesty to attempt at reparing your finances and your marriage? I am very serious, can you look at yourself in the mirror and accept some responsibility for your financial situation and say that you have made a concerted effort at repairing your finances by either consulting with a financial advisor, not shopping out of emotional hurt, not placing all the blame on your husband and just walking away.

Let me assure you, you think you are in a financial situation now. The biggest marital expense is DIVORCE. You have not even begun to have financial problems because there are a lot of expenses that come with divorce. So before you file that divorce without thinking about the big picture and looking at all the consequences to include financial, be honest with yourself and see what the expense is of divorce.

I don’t know that your reason for divorce is all about money. All I am saying to you is if money is part of the reason, if you do not take some responsibility in the debt that was created you will go into another relationship and repeat the same pattern. You are still you. It is a good idea to learn how to manage money for the benefit of your marriage.

Finances for many people has been an unknown area and we have been making do by trial and error without truly understanding the purpose of what finances should do for us. We’ve had bank accounts, credit cards, mortgages and even car loans and we made it through those different things. Now that you are placed in the position of learning how to manage money, how to move forward and protect yourself and kids if there are any.

Take it one day at a time and take a breath. This can be an overwhelming time and take all the time you need. One thing I recommend is that you are not as vocal with everyone that will stop by and listen to you. Let’s not pull any punches there will be some people that are trying to see what they can get out of you. Do not make any hasty decisions that include opening up your wallet.

Do not make any decisions based on emotions, but give yourself time to consider all the consequences of every decision you will be making. It does not matter whether they involve finances or not, you have to stop and consider what is going to be best for you as you move forward.

Financial responsibilities after marriage – includes paying the bills, paying whatever medical bills, what to do with the credit cards, joint accounts and more.  Take it one step at a time.